


Brain Lapses

by Hamliet



Series: Re Academy Universe [9]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-01-03 20:44:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12154452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamliet/pseuds/Hamliet
Summary: One-shot outtakes from The Forgotten Universe.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a series that may or may not continue of one-shots based in the Re Academy universe. This one was brainstormed with my friend trashhumanespresso on tumblr. Also, part of the Uihai sequence came from a really bizarre dream I had, and I previously gave permission to the blog soutasnotebook to use part of it, so if there are similar lines, that is why.
> 
> This fic is a cut scene from The Forgotten; it takes place between chapters 42 and 43. That being said, you don't have to have read The Forgotten to read this: it takes place at a boarding school for troubled kids called Re Academy, and I think that's all you need to know!
> 
> Be forewarned: there is a lot of sex talk, and references to past abuse.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

"Welcome back to class, Takizawa," Tanakamaru greets them as they stagger through the health classroom's doors. Amon carries Seidou's books for him, and Akira helps Seidou to his desk, since Seidou's arm is still secured in a sling from their raid of the Sunlit Garden last week. "I prayed for your safe returns."

Amon slips into a desk next to Akira, who rests her chin on her knuckles. The sun drenches through the windows, warming his arms and back. He remembers Donato, and the man's face right before he was taken away.

 _I love you_ , he told him.

It was the truth. He glances at Akira, her blond hair tied up in a knot.  _And I love you._  And her love ignites a future he hopes for, believes in, in his bones, pulls him up from the grave he let Donato bury him in for so long. It's Akira who gave him the courage to confront Donato, to say what he needed to say, who freed him to say it. Because she loves him, and she's so smart that she can't be wrong, and he can't be worthless.

Kaneki slides into the seat in front of Amon, his hair still bleached white. Touka, her hair back to its natural darker hue, sits next to him and chews on her pencil.

"What are we talking about now?" asks Seidou, scowling. "What graphic description of an STD did I miss?" He pulls out his phone and taps a text. Probably to Kurona. Amon wonders if they're dating yet.

The three of them met with Shinohara, Mado, and Marude over the weekend, during which they established that Amon, Akira, and Seidou could keep on as RAs, but with restricted rights. It's more than Amon expected.

"Today we're discussing—protection," Tanakamaru says.

"Too late," mumbles Tsukiyama from the front row, his arm around his girlfriend, Karren. Who is not his boyfriend like Amon presumed for so long.  _I'm an idiot._

"What was that, Shuu?" demands Tanakamaru. "Do I need to talk to Matsumae?"

Tsukiyama straightens. Karren covers her mouth to hide a smirk. "No, sir."

Tanakamaru nods.

"Protection's very important," Tsukiyama continues. "Which I think most of us who ran away the last few weeks can attest to, so if you need, say, personal testimonies about certain brands and—"

Hide's jaw drops. Nishiki doubles over behind Amon, snorts emerging from his mouth. Kimi slaps his shoulder and Nishiki's snorts turn into coughs.

"Mm boy, it seems I will be speaking to Matsumae after all," Tanakamaru says, snapping his book shut.

Tsukiyama's jaw drops. Karren runs a hand through her lilac hair.

"You may have saved over a hundred children, but you are not invincible," Tanakamaru informs them. He draws down a chart of the human anatomy. Amon studies his desk, face turning red.

"Haven't you already done it?" Seidou hisses, elbow jabbing him in the ribs. "Why are you so embarrassed?"

Akira narrows her purple eyes.

"It's awkward talking about it in front of—"

"Only because you're making it awkward, dumbass," snaps Akira. But her hand grips his, and she smiles.

It  _was_  awkward, though. Especially the first time, when Amon was fumbling and didn't know entirely what to do, and it was terrifying, letting go of his control, letting someone else see his entire body and trusting them that much.

But he loves her.

Akira's lips curl, and she draws back. Amon frowns.

In front of them, Kaneki shifts. Touka's hand slides under the table, up Kaneki's thigh.  _Oh, please don't!_  Amon clutches his cross. Too bad Mado stripped him of his RA right to punish his students, because he would like to—

Kaneki jerks away and glowers at Touka, who blinks oh-so-innocently at him.

"Do you have bananas for us to practice with?" Nishiki asks, face straight.

"Indeed I do," Tanakamaru returns, handing the yellow fruit out.

"What do you think, Karren?" Tsukiyama inquires, holding up a long banana. "Comparable?"

"One more word out of you, and you'll be in the principal's office!" barks Tanakamaru. Touka snickers.

The ease with which most of them slip the condoms onto the fruit sets a despairing glaze over Tanakamaru's face. He rambles about how they should always wear condoms, because they can't know whether their partner is clean unless they get tested together.

"Or you could just ask if they're a virgin, couldn't you?" asks Seidou.

"They could lie," Tanakamaru responds.

"Plus in the heat of the moment, it's not something you think about asking," drawls Hide. As if he has experience.

Touka narrows her eyes at Kaneki. "Are you a virgin?"

Kaneki looks as if he's contemplating seppuku, because everyone in the room knows the answer is, by now, most definitely  _no_. Akira smirks.

"Do you want me to talk to Yomo?" demands Tanakamaru.

Touka shakes her head. "Sorry."

Yoriko shakes her head at her friend. Tanakamaru drones on a bit longer, and then the bell rings and they're free. As Amon gathers Seidou's books for him, he notices Yoriko slipping over to Tsukiyama and asking him something. Karren digs through her boyfriend's pockets and passes Yoriko something that she promptly pockets with a smile on her face.

"Is—sex really—" Seidou starts that night as he and Amon wait for Akira in the lounge, ready to head to dinner.

"Huh?" Amon spins around to gape at his friend.  _Are you asking me about this?_

Seidou's face swells until it resembles an overripe tomato. "I mean—I'd rather ask you than ask Tanakamaru. Do condoms really hurt?"

Amon gulps. Sweat pricks the back of his neck. "Not if—there's enough—lubrication."  _Why are you_ —

The stairwell doors open, and Akira and Kurona both saunter out. Kuro rushes up to Seidou and stands on tiptoe, kissing him.

 _I guess that answers that_. Amon doesn't want to think too much about it, but he likes seeing the spark reenter his friend's eyes.

When they reach the cafeteria, Amon notes that Yoriko and Takeomi are nowhere to be found. Touka snickers as she takes a bite of her noodles.

"Where's everyone from your floor, Seidou?" Kaneki asks, rubbing his head.

"Huh?" Seidou spins around. "Ayato's over there with Hinami—Juuzou's there with Nakarai and Hanbee and that crowd—Mutsuki—Urie—Shirazu—God fucking dammit."

They're nowhere to be found.

* * *

The lights fly on, and Urie panics. Mutsuki yanks his shirt closed, and Urie drags his pants back up. They cower behind an easel in the art building. Wet paint sops into Urie's knees.  _Shit_.

"I know you're in here, Mutsurie," calls Saiko, snapping chewing gum. "That's your couple name. I've decided."

Urie helps Mutsuki button the shirt and runs his hands through his own mussed hair.

"Are they hiding from us?" Hsiao's voice drips disapproval.

"How  _dare_  you hide from Saiko, Mutsurie?" Her voice grows in pitch.

"They're probably putting clothes back on," Shirazu quips. Higemaru snorts.

"Hey!" Urie leaps to his feet, glaring. He knocks an easel over. Mutsuki yelps and ducks out of the way. "Tooru!"

"I'm okay," he ekes out, scrambling up.

"Your shirt is inside-out," Higemaru informs Mutsuki, grinning.

Mutsuki flushes. Urie steps in front of his boyfriend. "So what?"

"Relax, Mutsurie, we're just teasing," Saiko drawls. Urie notices the way Hsiao, dressed in skin-tight clothes like usual, checks out Saiko's chest as she steps forward.

Shirazu leans on one of the standing easels. "This place is like a ghost shop now."

Uta's in prison. Urie nods.

"What are you working on?" Higemaru inquires, peering up at Urie like he's his hero. Which he claims Urie is, after their Sunlit Garden raid. Urie chews his lip.

"Mutsuki," jokes Saiko. Aura hangs behind everyone else, head lowered.

Mutsuki takes Urie's hand and tosses his head back. A smirk crosses his face.

"No, seriously, there's like no art here," says Shirazu, waving his hand. "It's all gone—"

"I was  _starting_  a watercolor," Urie interrupts, gesturing to a canvas. "But it wasn't working out."

It was going to be of his father.

_"It's okay if you're not ready to paint him yet," Mutsuki told him, arm around Urie's shoulders. "You don't have to press through if you're not ready to."_

_Urie swallowed and nodded, setting his paintbrush down in the bowl of tinted water. He tilted his head up, and Mutsuki leaned down to meet his mouth._

"Ah." Saiko nods. "You knocked over some paint." She points to Urie's knees. "And I wanted to find you to ask if Saiko can make you dinner tonight."

"Poison," Shirazu supplies. Hsiao glares at him. Saiko chuckles.

"Um, sure," Mutsuki says, wringing his shirt. "I think we're missing dinner anyways, so."

Urie kneels down again to cap the almost-empty bottle of thick red paint.

"We'll go now," Saiko adds, linking one of her arms with Hsiao and one with Shirazu. "Make sure you put your shirt on correctly before you get back to the dorm, Mucchy. And don't be late, 'cause we're all still under special restrictions after running away."

"Like you care," teases Higemaru.

"Maybe you two can teach health class tomorrow," Shirazu muses. "Did I tell you I walked in on them last week, Saiko? In my own room! They were—"

"Hey!" Urie bellows.

A splash echoes. Mutsuki threw the watercolor water at Shirazu, drenching him.

"Oops," Mutsuki stammers, paling.

Shirazu blinks, wiping his brow. A grin splits his face. "Oh, you've asked for it now,  _Mucchan_." He snatches a tube of green oil paint.

"No!" Urie shouts, but as he shoves Mutsuki back, the paint lands with a splat directly on his face.

"No way," breathes Higemaru.

" _Paint fight!"_  shouts Saiko, grabbing a bottle of purple paint and dumping it over Hsiao's head. Hsiao yelps.

"This isn't going to come out!" shrieks Urie as Mutsuki lunges at his face, smearing the green around in the shape of a heart. "Hey! Traitor!"

Mutsuki chortles. Urie grabs a yellow oil tube and chases his boyfriend with it. Higemaru throws black paint at Aura. His scream splatters the air.

"Here, Aura!" shouts Mutsuki, lathering his hands with bubblegum pink paint and slathering it through his hair, pulling it back from his face. Shirazu whips a can of white paint at Urie. Higemaru throws handfuls of crimson at Hsiao, who shoots slate gray from a tube of oil paint. Saiko grabs a can of sky blue and whirls in a circle, sending paint spinning through the air.

And slapping it straight onto Shimoguchi, a security guard who shoves open the door.

The can clatters to the floor. Saiko squeaks.

 _Um—_ Urie swallows, looking at them all. Paint drips off Hsiao's face. Aura looks like a Picasso, and he has green hearts drawn on his face.

"All of you, come with me!" barks Shimoguchi.

Paint drips off them as they fall into line behind him. Mutsuki reaches to grasp Urie's hand. Shirazu makes a face behind Shimoguchi's back. The air is warm now as Shimoguchi leads them to the office.

"What the hell?" Kaneki's voice yelps. Urie spins to see him standing next to Touka, gaping.

Higemaru gives a sheepish wave.

Urie glances behind them. They're leaving a rainbow trail of paint. Shimoguchi flings open the door to the dean's office suite, where Hirako and Ui both let out gasps.

"What. The.  _Heck?"_  demands Marude, storming out of Arima's office and very much sounding as if he would prefer to use a stronger word.

"It was fun at least," Saiko whispers as Ui and Hirako scramble to grab old tablecloths and paper to set down on the benches so that they don't stain the furniture. Urie rolls his eyes,

But even Aura smiles.

* * *

Ayato slumps in his seat in health class. Hinami trots over to him and sits next to him, clad in a peach dress. His roommate, Juuzou, takes a seat between Hanbee and Nakarai. He knows what this conversation will be about today thanks to what happened yesterday. Although they already went over protection last year, Tanakamaru apparently will teach them it every year.

Hinami stifles a laugh as Tanakamaru begins. Ayato frowns, and she tilts her head to Saiko, who sits across the classroom and sketches some very nsfw art in her notebook.

 _Yikes._  Ayato looks away. Shirazu rolls his eyes.  _Do you want to get in even more trouble?_ The seven of them were all dorm-grounded for the next week after their paint fight yesterday evening. Mutsuki, Urie, and Shirazu all took hours-long showers last night.

"I have a question," Kurona says, sticking her hand up in the air.

Tanakamaru pales.

 _Don't answer,_  Ayato wants to advise him.

"Yes?" Tanakamaru manages.

"Is it true that girls bleed the first time they have sex?" Kurona inquires, leaning forward on her desk. "At least if they have it with a guy."

Tanakamaru's face is red. God, if the guy's this uncomfortable, what the hell is he doing teaching the class? "Um—"

Juuzou gapes at Kurona as if she's turned into a Gorgon. She folds her arms, staring down their teacher.

"Sometimes, yes," Tanakamaru says with a nervous laugh

"Really?" asks Kurona. "Or is that a sign you're doing something wrong? Like I've heard that it's used to prove virginity, but since that's a patriarchal concept—"

Ayato turns to Hinami. "Did you bleed?" he whispers.  _Why didn't I ask this before? I am a terrible boyfriend. The worst._

Hinami shakes her head, "No, and neither did Karren or Yoriko, but Akira and Touka said they did."

"That's more information than I wanted," mumbles Ayato. He does not want to think about his sister having sex.

"What about sex for guys?" asks Kurona.

"You are not a guy," Tanakamaru points out.

"There are guys in the class who might be interested to hear," Kurona retorts. Her eyes slide towards Juuzou.

Ayato frowns. Does Juuzou like guys, or anyone at all? His roommate's never expressed interest in anyone. It's not like it matters. Juuzou's cool.

"Quiet, Yasuhisa," Tanakamaru orders. "Next person who tries to provoke me will be kicked out." He crosses his arms over his chest, scowling at them all.

Hinami smiles at him, and Ayato flushes. He loves her, so much. When he's with her, whether they're talking or studying or she's lying underneath him with her arms wrapped around him, her smile always entrances him, the way her eyes widen, her dedication, her kindness, the way her hair smells like flowers.

Aura whispers something to Higemaru, who bursts out laughing. He claps his hand over his mouth.

"That's it!" Tanakamaru marches over to him. "Touma, out."

"Out?" squeaks Higemaru, shrinking in his seat. He casts Aura a desperate glance. Aura is suddenly fascinated with the heart carved into the corner of his desk.

"Marude's office. Go," orders Tanakamaru.

Higemaru's eyes well up with tears, but he gets to his feet, shoulders slumping.

"It was a funny joke though!" Saiko protests. "What's long and hard and full of semen? A submarine! Get it?"

Ayato wants to die. Hinami blanches. Hsiao laughs as if it's the funniest thing she's ever heard.

"All of you, out. Paint crew. Every last one of you."

"What did  _we_  do?" shrieks Urie, hand laced with Mutsuki.

"I don't even want to know what you did," Tanakamaru informs them. "Out!"

"She and Kuro were joking up a storm last night," Hinami whispers in Ayato's ear. Her eyes sparkle. Ayato leans closer.

Tanakamaru glares, and Ayato straightens.  _Later_.

* * *

"Why are you all here again?" demands Hirako as they enter the main office building, Higemaru crying, Saiko chortling, and Urie with his head hanging low. Mutsuki holds his boyfriend's hand.

"Tanakamaru sent us," squeaks Shirazu.

Ui sticks his head out of the dean's office and shakes it. "Get into Marude's office."

Kuroiwa passes them in the hall. Mutsuki frowns. "Why's he here?" he whispers to Urie, who shrugs.

As they pass the dean's office, Mutsuki catches sight of Yoriko and Takeomi both sitting in there on one of the benches, shoulders slumped.

"They got caught, didn't they," Shirazu states.

Urie covers his mouth. A snort emerges. Mutsuki rolls his eyes.

"I do not have time to deal with this!" Marude barks into his phone as they enter. He glowers at them as they file in, standing in a line across from his desk. "Are you all high schoolers?"

"As far as we know," Shirazu answers.

"You want to be adults in a year or two? Don't act like twelve-year-olds in health class when Tanakamaru is trying to teach you things you'd do well to learn about!" Marude slams his hands down on his desk. "Take a seat. You're all writing apology letters to Tanakamaru."

"We didn't do anything though!" Urie protests, gesturing to himself, Mutsuki, Shirazu, and Hsiao. "Aura told the joke, Hige laughed, and Saiko shouted it out loud!"

"Way to throw Saiko under the bus," Hsiao snaps, wrapping her arms around the small girl.

"That's not what—"

"Quiet!" Marude rubs his temples. The sun pours in through the window behind him. Mutsuki squints. "Take a seat." He gestures at the benches.

Mutsuki wedges himself in between Shirazu and Urie. Urie's shoulders slump, and Mutsuki remembers what Urie's said about Iwao Kuroiwa, how he's one of Marude's best friends, a police officer who worked on a case with Urie's father that led to Urie's father's death.

 _Don't feel like you're failing him. Either of them. Not Kuroiwa, not your father_. Mutsuki leans his head on Urie's shoulders.

Urie manages a small smile. Marude says he'll be right back, and strides out.

"Sorry," mumbles Aura, voice muffled. He leans forwards, hair blocking his eyes.

Higemaru sniffles, wiping at his eyes. "I've never been sent to the principal's before."

"I have," Saiko chirps, pulling out a lollipop and upwrapping it. She sticks it in her mouth. "No big deal."

"Besides, sex jokes are like, part of life," Hsiao says, rolling her eyes. "And Kuro wasn't asking anything weird. Not everyone is straight."

"Are you a lesbian?" Higemaru asks.

"Hige!" yelps Shirazu. "Don't be—"

"It's fine," Hsiao says, her cheeks pinking. Mutsuki notices how she refuses to look at Saiko. "Yes."

"Cool," says Saiko, and Hsiao smiles.

 _You trust us,_  Mutsuki realizes, watching Hsiao.  _You trust us with this._  He thinks back to what Shirazu, Saiko, and Urie know about him, and the part only Urie knows. A lump grows in his throat.

 _I wanted a family._  He remembers watching cartoons of children with mothers who made pastries for them and dads who slowly went through math homework with their kids, brothers who protected their little sisters from bullies. And his father, he would smash the TV set, drag Mutsuki away towards the bathroom, and his brother would listen and his mother would see and neither of them intervened when blood pooled on the tiles underneath him and he shivered, and he begged God for it to stop, but no God came, so his dissociation took his mind instead.

But maybe God did come.

He looks at the six faces around him. Urie thinks he's beautiful. Urie thinks he's perfect, even though he knows. Saiko teases him. Shirazu tells bullies to fuck off. Higemaru and Aura help him with homework. Hsiao trusts him, and he trusts her.

 _It's later than I wanted, but they're here_. Mutsuki strokes Urie's hand.

The door opens again, and Marude marches in with several pads of paper and pens. "Write. For the rest of the period."

Kuroiwa appears in the doorway. Urie stiffens, and Mutsuki almost drops his pen.

"Kuki," says Kuroiwa. "Good to see you, son. How are you doing?"

Urie flushes. "I—"

"Takeomi's been telling me all about what happened at the Sunlit Garden," Kuroiwa continues, a kindly smile on his face. He doesn't take in the surroundings, the fact that they're in the principal's office. He just focuses on Urie. "And of course, I've read about it on the news. Your father would be so proud."

Urie swallows. Mutsuki smiles.

"I hope you're doing okay afterwards," Kuroiwa says.

Urie nods. "I'm—good." His lips twitch as if he's struggling not to cringe. "Getting—counseling obviously, we all are here, and—good friends—"

"Glad to hear it." Kuroiwa nods. "If you ever need anything, feel free to shoot me an email." He smiles again, and leaves.

Mutsuki tilts his head, taking in Urie's surprise. Everyone's quiet.

The door bangs open just as Mutsuki's pen starts to scratch-scratch across the page. Kiyoko Aura, one of the dorm parents, marches in. She stops and turns on her nephew. "Shinsanpei!"

He flinches, drawing back.

"Tanakamaru told me he had to send you to—"

"I'm sorry," Aura whispers, voice hoarse. Mutsuki frowns.

"What did I tell you about not inconveniencing others?" Kiyoko's voice drips in disapproval. Mutsuki gulps.

"I—" Aura lowers his head.

Kiyoko frowns, and Mutsuki sees genuine concern on her face. "Let's get dinner this weekend, okay, Shinsanpei?"

Aura nods, but doesn't speak. She reaches down to caress his shoulder, but when she leaves, his head is still hanging in shame.

"It's okay," Mutsuki says.

"Shut it, Mutsuki," snaps Marude.

Mutsuki meets Aura's eyes and gives him a nod.  _We're not mad at you_.

 _You're our brother,_  Mutsuki decides.  _We'll make sure you know it eventually._

* * *

"I heard the dean's office was hopping today," Hairu quips as she greets Ui at his office.

He rolls his eyes. "Pretty much. Tanakamaru was done with the immaturity."

Arima exits his office and smiles at them. Ui gulps. Hirako sips his water bottle, focusing on the screen in front of him.

 _She's my girlfriend_. It's so new. Ui still doesn't know what to do with the information. He lies awake at night pondering it.  _She chose me._

_She kissed me._

_While you were gone, Arima._ He's relieved to have his mentor back, even if, as if turns out, he didn't know the man nearly as well as he thought.

The door bangs open behind her again, and her little brother, Shio Ihei, rushes in, tossing his bookbag down on one of the benches. "It's over! It's the weekend!" He throws his hands in the air, twirling around. Hairu laughs and catches him when he starts to fall.

Yusa Arima, a shy boy Ui had no idea even existed until he showed up in the Sunlit Garden, shuffles in with Rikai Souzu behind him.

"How was your day, Yusa?" Arima asks.

Yusa shrugs. "Good." He heads over to his brother, smiling shyly at Ui and Hirako. He clutches his new backpack, the one Hirako bought him. Until his rescue, he'd never been to school in his life, but he's smart. They all are.

"Rikai?" asks Hirako.

The sweet lavender-haired kid nods. "Not bad."

"Tanakamaru was in a terrible mood," Shio reports, pulling out the phone Hairu bought him and scrolling through it. "Like, terrible. He almost sent Hajime Hazuki to the office and Shikorae was, like, almost crying, he was so scared."

Ui raises his eyebrows. "Mougan isn't really the angry type."

"I think he'd just had enough," Arima replies.

"He was talking all about sex, but, like, there's no point," Shio adds. "We already know all about it. All of us who were in the Sunlit Garden, that is."

Rikai cringes. Yusa rolls his eyes. Hirako frowns.

Hairu and Arima exchange a glance. Ui's palms feel sweaty. He doesn't know what to say. He likes these kids. They're sweet and Shio's bubbly as anything, always chirping about which classes he likes and groaning about homework and asking to play with Hirako's Shiba.

Ui supposes just growing up in that place was abusive itself, constantly under the threat of being abused, of knowing you would be sold eventually, at least from the little Hairu has said. White hot anger shoots through him.  _You won't have to live in fear ever again._

"Hirako, can we sleep over your place tonight?" asks Shio. "Yusa and I want to play with your dog. Rikai wants us to."

"Shio, you can't invite yourself—" Ui starts, but Hirako waves his hand.

"As long as it's okay with your siblings."

"Sure," Hairu says brightly.

Yusa looks up at Arima, who nods. Shio cheers.

"I have to go back on duty at nine tonight," Hairu says to Ui as they leave, Shio skipping off to Hirako's apartment. "Want to hang out at your place?"

Ui nods.

"Are you okay?" Hairu asks as he lets her into the plain apartment. The walls are mostly blank, just covered with a few pictures of the horses he grew up with, and one photo taken at the beginning of the school year with him, Hirako, Arima, and Hairu.

Ui flushes when she looks at it. "Just worried about the kids."

Hairu nods, plopping onto his blue striped couch and kicking her legs out. The sky deepens outside his windows. "They've been helping the older kids practice for their play. They'll be okay."

"But—what they said earlier—"

Hairu winces. "They're too young to have been sold. But I talked to Arima, and he said we can't do anything anyways, just wait and let them know we're here when they want to talk." She examines her nails. Her breath shudders.

Ui drops next to her, wrapping his arms around a throw pillow.  _I'm listening._

"Poor Tanakamaru," Hairu says with a laugh. "Too many hormonal teenagers in his class. He told me yesterday Kirishima asked Kaneki if he was a virgin."

Ui cringes.  _Considering they stayed at a hotel together—_

"Oh, that reminds me," Hairu says, turning on the couch to stare at him. "Are you?"

The throw pillow falls to the floor. Ui coughs. "Um—am I—what?"

"A virgin." Hairu peers up at him.

Ui feels as if his face is melting off. His bones crumble.  _She just asked me—Hairu—she asked—am I—what is happening—why—_ "You can't just ask—Hairu—that's not appropriate!" he squawks. His throat tightens. His tongue feels too large for his mouth. He fumbles to grab the pillow. He wants to disappear inside it.

"Sorry," Hairu says in a small voice, looking crushed.

 _Shit_. "That's not—I mean—" He reminds himself of her past.  _Maybe it's a normal question for her to ask_. "No."

"No?" Hairu raises her eyebrows.

"Is it really that shocking?" he manages. "I'm—I've been out of school for years, Hairu, I'm in my late twenties—I—"

"Who was she?" Hairu peers at him.

 _God!_  Ui wants to die. "Someone I met in college."

"Just one?" she questions.

Now he really wants to die. "Yes."

"Because I am," Hairu states.

"What?"

"A virgin." She looks at him, eyes wide. "I was—sent here before they could sell me, and like, there was no one in college I cared about enough." She reaches for the throw pillow and holds it against her stomach. "I thought it'd be better if—emotion was involved. Like if you cared about someone." She swallows. "Did you care about—this girl in high school?"

"College," Ui snaps. "I—don't want to think about her."

"Oh." Hairu shrinks again. "I was just—wondering—because—we're dating. You know."

 _I still have to pinch myself._  And now he can't breathe.  _Are you asking me what I think you're asking?_

"Despite—growing up there, I don't think I know entirely what to do." Hairu tosses the pillow aside and tucks her feet under herself.

"Are you asking me if—" Ui can't finish.

"I'm asking if you want to have sex with me," Hairu says. "Because I like you. And I think you'd be fun to do it with, and I don't think I'd regret it. And I think you're—wonderful."

Ui doesn't know what to say or do. His heart pounds in his chest. "Hairu—"

She raises her eyebrows.

He leans forward and takes her lips in his. Her mouth opens, letting him in. Her teeth nibble on his mouth. He's not sure how long they lie there, on his couch, himself on top of Hairu, kissing her with all the energy he has, but by the time she reaches to move his hand to her chest, it's dark out.

"We still have time," Hairu rasps.

Ui nods and pulls back. He reaches down to pick Hairu up, and she chortles. "What?"

"I like this," she teases. "Safety first, right?"

"Tanakamaru would have it no other way," Ui jokes, placing her on his bed. His head feels like it's spinning.  _Is this really happening?_

He turns around to toss the condom down too and sees that Hairu's already yanked her shirt off. He gapes.

"What?" Hairu asks, blinking.

Ui shakes his head and settles down across from her. "You're—so—"

She kisses him before he can finish. She helps pulls his shirt over his head, then his pants, and then hers. He fumbles with her bra clasp. "Are you okay?"

She nods. He manages to pull it off.

_I can't believe she wants to be with me._

She slides her underwear off next, and then his, and then she's kissing him again, and he's lost in her, and he doesn't want to hurt her but her lips fasten to his neck and her cheeks are as pink as her hair, glistening with sweat, and her eyes latch onto him and she smiles.

 _This is real,_  he thinks when he lies next to her, breaths coming in pants, thoughts whirring but his thoughts aren't words.

She presses her palm against his and kisses his cheek. "You know what, Koori?"

"What?" he asks, turning to look at her.

She traces her fingertips over his chest. "I'm glad it's you."


	2. Tatara's Wish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the lovely trashyhumanespresso on tumblr. Please note a warning for references to suicide.

Tatara does not mind feeling like Scrooge.

Christmas is boring. Everyone surrounding themselves with people they love and care about, but here at Re Academy, no one has anyone but each other, and most years everyone views the others as rats they need to drown to stay afloat themselves. Survival of the fittest.

Tatara smirks to himself as he grades Kuki Urie's chemistry exam. Not bad, but still sloppy in some places because of the damn kid's overconfidence. A lower grade should motivate him. He scrawls a B- on the exam and reaches for Yasuhisa Kurona's.

Kurona's the one student he does not think lower grades will motivate. She lost her sister after they arrived here. Like Tatara lost Yan when he was thirteen. Of course, now Kurona's friends with Suzuya Juuzou anyways. Tatara will never be friends with Houji. He'd sooner eat fire.

A knock sounds on his door. Tatara ignores it.

"Open up, you bitter furnace!" hollers Eto.

Eto Yoshimura. His one friend in the world. Tatara gets to his feet, flinging the door open. A light dusting of snow covers the ground. He would say it was story-esque except it's certainly not fitting for the stories Eto writes. She's probably prefer a tornado on Christmas. "Yes?"

"Are you grading on Christmas, you miser?" Eto crosses her arms.

"Are you—" Tatara can't even finish.

"I'm mostly spending it canoodling with Kishou," Eto affirms, tossing her mint hair. "Yusa too. But we'll visit my father's for dinner, and Tatara, you're invited, and you have to come because I'm going to need your cynicism to keep myself sane."

"No." He shuts the door.

A crack echoes. Eto must have kicked it. Tatara yanks the door open again. "Bloody hell!"

"I'll see you at three," she says, and then she prances away.

That's how their relationship always works. She tells him what to do. And he prefers it like that.

" _Yan, I have something to tell you," Tsuneyoshi Washuu, the then principal, told him. "Your brother committed suicide last night."_

_And all Tatara could think was that if he had been with Yan, if they had been placed in the same dorm, Yan never would have done this. And if Houji had just been made to stop bullying Yan…_

" _So we're going to kick Houji's ass, aren't we?" Eto asked a few days later, sidling up to Tatara and leaning against his locker._

_Tatara just stared at her._

" _Cut the crap," Eto said. "I know you speak fluent Japanese despite your act. I have a plan. We'll kick his ass but do it in such a way that neither of us gets caught."_

" _I don't care about getting caught," Tatara said. "I don't give a fuck about this fucking school."_

_Eto cocked her head. "I hate this place too. But if you try to tear it down from the outside, it can fight back. Tearing it down from the inside would be much more unexpected."_

" _Huh?"_

" _I'll see you tonight at dinner. Wear your red mask," Eto crooned._

Tatara makes it to Yoshimura's. The food's good. Other than that everyone is too cheerful. He can't wait to go back and destroy more students on their exams. Takizawa was his favorite target before he graduated, because Houji mentored the kid. Now Takizawa's dating Kurona though.

Tatara heads to bed at a normal time on Christmas, flicking off the lights. He dreams of Yan, the only face he's known his entire life. He doesn't remember his parents. He remembers Yan, caring for him on the streets of China. Yan, taking a job that smuggled them to Japan. Yan, when they were caught by police and sent to Re Academy. Tatara pretended he didn't speak Japanese to protest being caught and caged. Yan just tried to adapt.

" _See?" Yan would say when they snuggled together under thick blankets in an abandoned building on New Year's. Fireworks, red and gold and purple, exploded across the sky. "It's superhero dust."_

" _You can't know that," Tatara said, five years old and already bitter._

" _But I can," said Yan. "I'm a superhero when you sleep, Tatara."_

" _What's your super power?"_

" _I can shoot fire," Yan said, holding Tatara close. "And fly."_

All Tatara could think when he saw his brother's body, face gray and not smiling, was that superheroes didn't die like that.

* * *

New Year's Eve, and everyone's ready to celebrate a new beginning, but Tatara's still waiting for a first beginning.

His parents. He doesn't know their faces. He doesn't even know their names. Yan didn't talk about them much. Presumably he had a reason, but he took that reason to the grave with him.

Soon the students will swarm campus again, infecting it with the germs they collected when they weren't on campus. Most of them would have just gone to group homes, just like Tatara always did. When Yan could no longer go with him, they became every more overcrowded in his mind, and annoying, too many elbows and feet and smells.

A knock on his door again. Tatara groans.

"C'est moi," proclaims Eto, striding into his place. "You didn't even lock the door. Make sure you start before the kids come back or you'll wake up bald."

Tatara rolls his eyes. "Tea?"

"No. You'll burn it." She flits through his kitchen. "And you're coming out with me and Arima tonight."

"I am not."

"Yes, you are, because I say so." Eto widens her eyes. "You can sit here and mope about Yan the other 364 days of the year but tonight—"

"You dragged me out on Christmas too—"

"Eh, so what? Ui and Hairu are taking Yusa tonight; he's sleeping over with Shio and Rikai." Eto swings herself up on Tatara's counter. "Get your butt ready."

When she was fired last year, he wanted to quit too. But he didn't, and once Eto said he didn't because Yan wouldn't have. Though Yan wouldn't have been stupid enough to take this job teaching at this wretched school in the first place.

And so Tatara finds himself heading over to Arima's for dinner and wine. At least Eto's father won't be there this time. Tatara can't bring himself to like the man. Noro can't either, Tatara can tell, even if Noro will never say so.

But Eto's at least speaking to him. If it makes her happy, she should.

He wishes he could speak to Yan, but he doesn't believe in any of that talking to the dead mumbo-jumbo.

His boots crunch against the path. And then, there it is. Him. Houji.

Houji freezes on the path as Tatara passes. Tatara glowers at him, red mask still covering his face.

He never wants Houji to see the way his lips temble when he sees that man. _Yan would be alive if it weren't for you._ But there's a part of him that whispers: _Yan would be alive if he wanted to be._

_He wanted to leave me._

" _Bullshit," Eto once said. "Have you seen any of these kids here? Our lives suck."_

Then what's the point? Eto snorts.

Tatara raises his finger and flips Houji off. Eto bursts into a cackle. Tatara smiles, behind his mask.

Houji ducks his head and rushes off. Tatara enters Arima's apartment, with its weird leaf art on the walls. Books scatter across the floor, clearly Eto's handiwork, and Yusa's backpack is slung against the wall.

"It's weird," Arima says over a dinner of shrimp. He sips his wine. "I miss the kid, even though it's just one night."

Tatara can't imagine.

"Of course you do," Eto says, gulping her wine. It leaves a red mustache on her lip. "You spent so many years looking for him."

"I was so depressed when I couldn't find him," Arima admits. He shoves his wine glass away from him.

Tatara frowns. The shrimp tastes like Eto cooked it; which is to say, terrible. "Does he wish you'd found him earlier?"

"He wishes." Arima sighs. "I don't know how he feels about that."

_Do you wish I'd noticed more was wrong, Yan?_

"But they seem to be doing well here," chirps Eto. "Well enough, anyways. It almost gives me hope for this shothole school."

"Don't insult the place that pays my bills."

"I could support us on what I make from my books." Eto smirks.

Arima rolls his eyes. "This place gives Yusa a good education, and for free. He's still getting accustomed to life in a semi-normal society. Where else would they go?"

"If society was better they'd have a place to go," Eto says, clicking her chopsticks. "But it sucks."

Tatara remembers something Kurona said. About her boyfriend, the one whom Houji used to mentor. After Takizawa was caught helping Kanou last year, Houji hasn't spoken to him. Houji is the worst, Tatara decides. And yes, this time he is taking a student's side over a faculty member.

Being left alone hurts. It was cold, all those nights on the streets. And cold, after Yan was gone, even though he had blankets.

Maybe this place isn't so bad.

"If I'd acted earlier," Arima says. "Yusa—Shio—Rikai—they wouldn't have suffered as much."

"He still loves you," Eto says. "He made you a drawing for Christmas. Like a kid far younger would. Of us. And he called it our family." Eto's cheeks turn pink, and not from wine.

Wow. Tatara's impressed. Eto's always wanted a family, even if she proclaims she doesn't.

" _I'd never have kids," Eto said one night as they lay outside on the grass, drinking wine Eto bought with her fake ID._

" _Why not?"_

" _Don't trust myself not to be a dick like my father." She let out a lazy giggle. "We all say we'll be better than they were, but we're never able to be." She passed the wine bottle to him. Cicadas chirped._

_Tatara looked up at the stars spread out above them. "I don't know what they were like."_

_He just knew Yan, and if he turned out to be like Yan…_

Yan probably wouldn't have jumped into accusing students of cheating last semester, or taken out on his closeness with Houji on Takizawa. Especially given Takizawa's profile. Poor kid.

It's too late, though. Takizawa graduated.

Kurona's still here. And… Suzuya. Kurona's Houji. Tatara sighs.

Eto refuses to let him leave, so he stays and plays a stupid game with Eto and Arima, but he's enjoying himself more than he'd admit. About fifteen minutes before the fireworks, Eto takes them to the arts building, where she apparently had a key made long ago before she was fired because of course she did.

Fireworks, ruby and gold and pearl and amethyst, explode across a blue velvet sky.

" _Make a wish," Yan told him one year, arms wrapped tightly around his brother. He'd just woken Tatara up, refusing to let him sleep through it. They peered out the slots in a parking garage._

" _That's for birthdays," Tatara said sleepily. "You make resolutions."_

" _Well, I make a resolution for you to have a wish," Yan declared._

" _That's not how it works." Tatara rested his face against the concrete. He didn't say anything, but he held his brother's arm._

He wished for a home.

He looks at Eto and Arima, arms around each other. Eto winks at him.

She might as well be his annoying sister, and all these bothersome kids nieces and nephews.

 _I wish,_ he thinks. _To make you proud, Yan. It got too hard for you, and I couldn't ease your burden._

_I can ease it for these kids._

When he gets home, he isn't sleepy. Tatara sits down and readies his red pen, eager to grade more students. Shinsanpei Aura gets a B. Touma Higemaru, a B+. Ching-Li Hsiao a straight A.

No. He can't do this now. He's in too good of a mood. The kids will get fat heads. He'll go to sleep instead.

He lies down and sees the fireworks behind his eyelids.

_You might not have been a superhero, Yan._

_But you are still my hero._


End file.
